22 Aug A Suicide Hotline Father’s Day

Holidays can be one of the busiest times of year for mental health services; but especially so for suicide hotlines. This was my first year on duty; as last year they gave me the day off. We didn’t have that option this year, too short-staffed. Brighter Futures is a damned ghost town this quarter. It seems like we lose three employees the second one new one comes in the door.

It’s almost like… a sickness has taken over. I’m not worried though. If I could handle working through two Christmas seasons, I can handle a Father’s Day shift. Although I can’t help but bitterly compare the two; at least the Christmas season came with bonuses.

The suicide hotline company I work for, Brighter Futures, has been through a rough year, we’ve lost a lot of people. Days like this make me miss Gabe the most. Ashamedly though, I’m kind of glad he wasn’t alive to experience his first Father’s Day without his kids. What a terrible thing…

Our janitor Lyle did a great job cleaning the night before, as always. I can’t believe he agrees to come in every other Saturday as well as his usual five weekdays. Maybe this job is all he has. That’s sad to think about; there’s a haunting aura to this place. I don’t know why anyone would want to be here any longer than necessary. I punch in, answer calls, and punch out; no extras.

I’m greeted by the usual group of co-workers and respond in kind as usual. We’re here today to help you make it through tomorrow, but who’s gonna make sure we make it till then? My co-workers Gabe, Nick, Ava, Madison… gone; just like that.

My ass barely has time to warm to my chair when the phone rings. My arms break out in goose pimples. You never know what situation is going to greet you on the other end of these calls. I warily answer the line.

“Thank you for calling the Brighter Futures Suicide Hotline. We’re here today to help you make it through tomorrow. My name is Howard. How can I best be here for you today?”

Caller: *Whistling wind* Hi Howard… I really need someone right now.

Howard: Okay. What can I call you friend?

Caller: My name’s Jared, and I’ve never felt more alone in this World.

Howard: Hey… you’re not alone now Jared. I’m right here. Tell me what’s going on buddy.

Jared: My son, Jonah; he’s… he’s *breaks down sobbing*

Howard: What’s the matter with Jonah? Talk to me. I know it’s hard; but you’ll feel better. A problem shared is a problem halved.

Jared: I was outside cutting the grass… My wife was inside with Jonah. Fuck’s sake he’s only fourteen months old!

Howard: I’m listening. What happened next Jared. Take all the time that you need; I’m here when you’re ready to continue.

Jared: My wife was giving him a bath when her phone rang. She’s always on that FUCKING phone. I’ve wanted to smash it so many times! Oh God… my baby boy. *sniffles*

Howard: Stay with me, Jared. Tell me, are you having suicidal thoughts right now? Is that the reason why you’re calling today?

Jared: Oh yeah. They aren’t thoughts though my good man… they’re plans. I need to be with my boy. He’s cold and scared.

Howard: Where is Jonah right now Jared? What happened?

Jared: Her phone was on the charger in the kitchen. She wasn’t there for longer than five minutes. Jonah’s been able to sit on his own for months now. I don’t understand…

Horror grips my heart with frozen tendrils of dread as I begin to piece everything together. This poor, heartbroken man.

Howard: Jared… try to slow down. I know you or your wife would never do anything to intentionally endanger your children. Mistakes happen… did he fall and hurt himself?

I feel like a complete jackass even asking this, but my heart has to hold out hope that this little boy isn’t dead.

Jared: She came outside screaming! Her eyes were raw, her voice was strained from wailing. She sounded like a demon. Those eight words slowed time itself; sending me to an eternal hell with each syllable.

“Jay! Help! I found Jonah face down in the tub!”

I ran past her, not even caring that I knocked her down on the way inside the house. My baby was laid out on the bathroom floor, surrounded by tiles. The blue hue of his lips eternally broke the damns of my humanity. The bitch didn’t even try CPR before coming to get me. If she had, he might still be alive right now.

Howard: I’m so sorry, friend. My heart breaks for you to hear this. How long ago did you lose your son?

Jared: Thirteen days ago.

Howard: *voice breaking* Awww shit man. I’m so sorry. Today is a hard day for a lot of folks, but people in your position especially

Jared: There’s not a name for it ya know.

Howard: What’s that?

Jared: Losing a child. If you lose a spouse, you become a widow. If you lose your parents, you become an orphan. There’s not a name for a parent that loses their child. It’s something that’s not supposed to happen. I can remember the day we found out Corinne was pregnant. She sent me right out to buy her Wendy’s chili and rocky road ice cream. I did it too… gladly.

Howard: That’s the way, Jared. It’s impossible to see the light through your grief right now; but your happy memories about Jonah will eventually bring you comfort.

Jared: He was my good boy. *grunts* Just started… toddling around and taking his first running steps. *pants*

Howard: What are you doing right now man? Are you alright? You don’t sound right.

Jared: Yeah. I called from my cell phone; I have the Bluetooth headset connected so my hands are free. I’m alright, just taking care of some important matters.

Howard: Jared… where’s your wife right now? She’s hurting too and probably feels responsible for what happened. You two are going to need to lean on eac…

Jared: You’re DAMNED right she feels responsible! It was her fucking fault! Corinne might as well have thrown him to the bottom of a swimming pool and walked away. Her and that goddamned phone…

Howard: Sir, I understand you’re angry. Grief can take on many, many forms. Some are more destructive than others. Don’t push the pain in your heart onto your wife. That wasn’t a fair statement to make. I certainly hope you didn’t say anything like that to her.

I wince. Shit! I crossed a line. That was too far. Desperate people don’t call here to be judged. They call because they need our help! And I feel a blood pressure headache coming on.

Howard: Jared? Jared, are you still there?

Jared: Yeah… I’m here. A little ah… busy, but I’m here.

Howard: Jared… what are you doing right now? Are you feeling any better from when you first called? I feel like you’re distracted right now, and I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Jared: See Howard… I can’t lean on my wife. I know a part of me will hate her until the day that I die. It’s bad enough I have to walk through this World a father robbed of his duties. Life wouldn’t be worth livin’ if I had to look her in the face every day. To know that she’s breathing air when our baby’s under all that dirt in the dark.

Howard: I think enough life has been lost here already. You can’t make comparisons like that; it’s illogical. The World doesn’t work that way. Nothing is going to bring him back or take away your pain. But if your wife was gone, that would open up a whole new hallway of agony down the line for you my friend. You need each other. Please don’t do anything rash, Jared. Your family’s been through enough.

Jared: There is no family just yet; for now… I’m alone.

Howard: What do you mean? Where’s Corinne?

Jared: I’ve taken her to be with Jonah; where she belongs. He needs to see that Daddy sacrificed it all for him. I made it so he wouldn’t be alone. And soon, I will join them. Our family can reunite on the other side, where Jonah can run and play forever.

Howard: Jared, I’m tracking your location and alerting authorities in your area for your safety. I’m very alarmed by what you’ve been saying to me. I think you need more help than I can give you over the phone from where I’m at. Stay on the line with me okay? We’ll get through this together buddy. It’s all gonna be okay.

I grab my cell phone and dial 911, muting the line so Jared can’t hear me.

Operator: 911 What’s your emergency?

Howard: Hi there, my name is Howard Jimenez. I work at the Brighter Fut…

*STATIC*

Howard: Hello? Operator?!? Hello?!?

*LINE DISCONNECTS*

I unmute Jared and am relieved to hear he’s still on the line.

Jared: One more… Fucking crowbar!!! I need a damned casket key.

Howard: Jared… WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?

Jared: Howard, buddy… I really wanna thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Tomorrow I’m gonna call and speak to your manager and make sure that you get a raise. You’ve saved me!

Howard: I’m not sure I understand…

Jared: When I first called you, I intended to have it be the last phone call I ever made on this Earth. I had my nine racked and ready to go. But you’re right… there’s been enough death. I’ve been focusing on all the negatives. Just because my boy is dead, doesn’t mean I still can’t be his father… still can’t bring him home.

Howard:  Jared, stop! This is wrong! I never said anything about…

Jared: Thank you, Howard. I have my boy all buckled into his car seat in the van. The hole had to be expanded, but I made sure his mother rests peacefully in his place. I’m gonna take Jonah home now. It’s almost time for him to eat dinner and go to bed.

*Line Disconnects*

---

🎧 Available Audio Adaptations: None Available

Written by N.M. Brown
Edited by Craig Groshek
Thumbnail Art by Craig Groshek
Narrated by N/A

🔔 More stories from author: N.M. Brown

Publisher's Notes: N/A

Author's Notes: N/A

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